It’s been a long time since I wrote anything and there are many reasons why. Many reasons are depressing, well, they could be depressing. Initially, I set up this blog to fight back against a lot of the crap that has happened to me over my life time. Most recently, I have been dealing with jackasses who like to play mind games and like to take advantage of every opportunity to encourage feelings of failure and self-degradation. I finally got out on my own and for the last five years, I have been struggling to get past it all. On top of that, I completed my BA in Liberal Arts online while working full-time at Walmart on the nightshift. So, I have been dealing with a lot on my plate and anxiety levels are still tough to deal with when it seems that people cannot understand that a woman like me just has no use for men anymore, especially those who think that yelling at me is the only way to get through to me. Like, what’s up with that? I cannot talk about things I’m interested in. They dominate the conversation and only get louder if I try to say anything. Talk about controlling. And it seems that, to the people in the area I live in, that is, northern Ontario, since I am unattached to a man, or rather, not allowing a man to be domineering over me, dictating what I should think and feel, then I must be available for purchase. This is a fucked up way of thinking. And, and, if I say anything to anyone about my experiences, suddenly, I have mental issues, and am delirious and crazy. Again, fucked. So basically, I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I feel like I’ve lived through the many stages of hell only to end up in purgatory!

So, yeah, I haven’t written for a long time, because, well, I’ve been busy dealing with my personal issues, university, and the dough heads at work.

On the upside, I had been planning to escape to another country!! Scotland! Unfortunately, I can’t afford the tuition. So, instead, I am hoping to move to Ottawa and begin a new Bachelor’s degree at a different university. What do I really want to do?

Well, about 5-10 years ago, I had been hoping to go into Behavioural Psychology. Thankfully I don’t have the aptitude for medicine, and quite frankly, from my experience humans are scary creatures. No, I’m not scared per se, but to delve into the minds of the aforementioned people, I realised that I just don’t want to go there! I’m sure you understand! Then, I realised that there are a lot of single parents out there, I was one off and on for a bit, but no single parent housing projects out there. But, I have no idea how to go about getting all that going. I was ready to set up a podcast to interview various ordinary people around the world to help people become aware of people’s stories. I had funding set up and was ready to go, then I found out that the roommate I had taken in was feeding me all kinds of crappy, ground up pills that was tearing my brain apart. This help convince people that I was crazy and delusional. Anyway, that all ended five years ago. Now I am finally free of any kind of drug, including prescription, because, wow, doctors love to hand out anti-psychotic medication for anxiety and like to use people as guinea pigs. Unbelievable. This is the world we live in. Well, I decided to give up everything (I was admittedly smoking marijuana, which is legal in Ontario), so no more drugs, alcohol (not that I drank much but did have some fun one summer – regrettable), cigarettes, men, and religion.

I started university in Psychology, switched to Equity, Diversity, and Human Rights (inclusion is incorporated into this!) to which I graduated. Then, I remembered that over the course of my life, I have always wanted to work in government, but not for an actual government. I am a liberal. That is truthful. I believe in moving forward and conservatism is basically taking years to decide if we need a stop sign or a yield sign at the end of the road (for example). I want to be able to mediate between leaders and help to bring them to the realisation that they are doing a fucking horrid job running the planet! Without yelling! I want to work for the United Nations, I guess!

So, I applied for an undergraduate degree at a university in Ottawa and I am just waiting to see if they will accept me and help me on my way to my career as Canadian diplomat/mediator! Been in retail my whole life so this is definitely outside of my comfort zone, but, hey, the shit I’ve had to deal with over my life (besides my wonderful two children), I can not wait to leave this form of ‘comfort zone.’

Wish me luck! And stay aware!

Btw, the cat in my photo, Rexi (Captain Darth Smokie Rexi – as named by my son many years ago), I had to put down last year due to cancer in his mouth. He was 15 and the best cat I ever had. Got a new cat a week later who I was told was 2, turned out to be between 6-8 years old. She too has cancer in her mouth so I have to put her down too. I’m trying to give her a bit of life so it will be sad when I take her in next month. I need to be pet free to rent a room in Ottawa! Would love to get a little dog or another cat but the rents are so frigin expensive. I cannot afford my own apartment. Boo hoo! Some day, I will live in my own house or condo and have a pet. So a bit of sacrifice now…(I keep telling myself this even though I’m 55!)